Saturday, January 24, 2009

A Quickie on Sexuality

I was recently approached by a man who I believe to be gay. I often find myself wondering why he doesn’t know he is gay or why he’s wasting his time trying to convince me he is not. Sexuality FINALLY came up in a conversation and he denied it repeatedly. The same guy who I believe is gay, had the nerve to call somebody else suspect. Delusions? Maybe. He did tell me he had been married before. To which I replied, “So what? Gay dudes have sex with females all the time.” He didn’t have an argument for that. He was just adamant that HE didn’t get down like that. So I took a little time to explain to him how I feel about the subject. You don’t have to agree with me. I’m just going to tell you how I feel...what SYM believes. This may not be a “light” moment for you and that’s fine. That’s why I’m the writer and you’re the reader.

I told him that your sexuality is NOT defined by sexual acts. You do not become straight by sleeping with someone of the opposite sex. Is a female who wants to wait until marriage not straight because she has yet to have sex with a man? Is she just on the verge of straight? Is a man not gay simply because he hasn’t had sex with a man? Is he only kind of gay? Not all the way, just a little gay? I don’t care who you are having sex with, if you’re gay, you’re gay! You can hide behind what you do in the bed, car, kitchen or backyard as long as you like, but I doubt what you do changes your desires. There’s no fooling SYM! Well maybe, but not when you’re wearing lip gloss and animal print thongs. SM

That's Disrespectful

Do I really need to begin wearing a sign so people will know who I am? Clearly someone has gotten it twisted. This foolishness has got to stop! When the pretty friends come to visit, I have to get pretty. When there may be a chance that I could meet someone important, I have to look important. When flyness is in my presence, SYM will get fly. So HOW DARE YOU bring your mediocrity and substandard self around me! HOW DARE YOU insult my flyness by showing up underdressed for the occasion that is me! If I wake up and decide to get dressed to see you, it’s a sign of respect. It means I noticed that you were beautiful, fly, and important (possibly dateable), so I took a little extra time preparing myself, because I wanted you to know that I noticed. So with that being said...

Guys stop showing up for dates looking any kind of way. Find some pants and a shirt that fit. If you really want to impress her get a haircut. Take a shower. Iron your clothes and please put on your good shoes. Anything less is disrespectful.

Ladies night out? Don’t expect me to look anything less than fly. If you don’t dress to respect that, please do not get upset when you have to play my wing. Don’t walk around with the sad face because your lack of consideration has made you feel uncomfortable and now you can’t have a good time. We’re already running late. NO you cannot go change. NO we cannot leave. YOU already knew I was going to be dressed. This is the absolute worst when you’re going out with a group of new people. Then you reflect negatively on me, because I have to introduce you as my friend. I don’t want people asking me where I got you from.

People, let’s try to show a bit more consideration for our friends and acquaintances. The lengths you go through to prepare yourself is a sign of how you much you (don’t) care about the people you are going to see. Do better. Some of us have reputations to uphold.